If you feel insecure in your relationship, I want you to consider something radical:
Maybe it’s not you.
Maybe you’re not “too much.”
Maybe you don’t have intimacy issues.
Maybe you’re not overthinking, overanxious, or needy.
Maybe you’re just in a relationship that anyone would feel insecure in.
We love to pathologise ourselves. Especially if we’ve done trauma work.
We assume that if we’re dysregulated, the problem must be us.
But here’s the truth:
Even the most securely attached person would struggle in a relationship with someone who lacks transparency, consistency, and emotional presence.
Sometimes the issue isn’t your security – it’s that you’re ignoring your instincts.
And often, we overfunction, over-analyse, or over-regulate in a desperate attempt to make something work that was never built to support us in the first place.
You don’t feel insecure because you’re broken.
You feel insecure because something isn’t working.
And that part of you that keeps trying to keep the peace or hold it together? That’s not weakness. That’s survival mode.
Here’s the shift:
Emotional regulation doesn’t just stop you from freaking out.
It helps you stop avoiding the truth.
It helps you face the inevitable – like when a relationship isn’t sustainable, no matter how hard you try.
Because some people aren’t capable of a secure relationship. Not just with you – with anyone.
And staying to prove otherwise will only drag you further from your own peace.
If this hits, you don’t need to panic or blow anything up.
You just need to come back to you.
My Emotional Regulation Mini Course is launching soon. It’s short, powerful, and made for this exact kind of emotional chaos.
Register on the button below
Because maybe it’s not you.
Maybe you’re just finally ready to stop settling for insecurity and call it what it is: misalignment.