Overcoming Emotional Loneliness

You can struggle with emotional loneliness whether you’re on your own or surrounded by other people. And even if you’ve put effort into making new friends, or finding more aligned friends, that action on its own may not have done the trick. And that’s not surprising.

Emotional loneliness, in my experience, is most often a result of our relational patterns; we could be in a room of wonderful people, but if we don’t know how to relate to them in a way that we can be seen, supported, and deeply known, then the emotional gap is still there.

For years I spent a lot of time, money and energy attending new groups, nurturing new friendships, keeping up with my long-standing friendships, but I frequently felt invisible, unconsidered, or even used sometimes. I did a great job of being there for other people, of listening, of being available, of facilitating and organising plans, but I’d frequently reach a kind of social burnout because all of my efforts to be close to other people were about my output.

Last year I became ill with ME, which meant I lived in bed for a very long time. If I overdid it during the day by going to the kitchen one too many times, I’d then feel horribly ill for a week or two. It was a nightmare. But it also tested everything I thought I knew about my friendships. I’d felt so secure in them when I could function ‘normally’, but the second I could not perform my amazing friendship service, I was terrified about what would happen. Would being friends with me become too inconvenient? How could I take effort from people I couldn’t easily reciprocate with?

Despite the terror, I had to face it. There was no other choice. What I learnt was that my friends loved me for the sake of it, and that I was capable of being vulnerable and being seen, even on days I didn’t have the energy to shower. Friends offered to pick up prescriptions for me, friends arranged hangouts that didn’t take too much from me, and many of those hangouts happened on my bed, watching TV, like teenagers again, or talking quietly if the TV was too overwhelming.

What if you could perform less and have more emotional intimacy with people who care about you? What if you could change the pattern, be brave, and let people be there for you, instead? What if emotional loneliness became a thing of the past?

This is something that’s come up a lot in my client work this year, and I can see that quite a lot of you don’t want 1:1 work, you are actually looking for a more fulfilling life with other people. More love, more security, and less loneliness.

And so I’ve put together a group where, little by little, and with steady care and safety, I will help you to begin changing your relational patterns so that the love you put out into the world flows back to you.

Join me for the information evening (online) by registering on the button below. Or find out more here.