At the end of yet another failed relationship (age 30, zero chill, full existential meltdown), I did something a bit raw. I asked my ex for honest feedback.
Not in a manipulative way. Not fishing for compliments. I genuinely wanted to understand what hadn’t worked—so maybe, just maybe, I could have better luck next time.
They paused, and then said: “I’d give you 10 out of 10 on Tripadvisor.”
(Yes, I laughed. Yes, it made me cry. Yes, we’re British.)
But then they added:
“The only thing I struggled with was how intense your emotional reactions could be. Sometimes it felt like your response was much bigger than the situation.”
Oof.
But also… bingo.
That one piece of feedback changed my life. It was the first time I realised my emotions weren’t just mine—they were shaped by attachment patterns and relational trauma. I wasn’t just “too much” or “overreacting.” I was dysregulated. I had no idea.
From that moment, I began to get curious. And what I discovered was this:
When we don’t know how to regulate our emotions, even the healthiest relationships start to feel chaotic.
That’s why it really matters who we take feedback from.
It needs to come from someone kind. Someone honest. Someone safe enough to reflect things back with care.
Because real growth? The kind that changes your patterns forever? It starts with being willing to listen—and having the nervous system capacity to stay present while doing it.
And that’s why I’m creating something new:
A simple, affordable emotional regulation tool you can actually stick to (even if you’ve got the attention span of a manic squirrel).
Watch this space!
Healthy relationships don’t just happen. They’re built. And it starts with you.
With care,
Harris x