If you want healthier, happier, more secure relationships…
It has very little to do with getting the other person to see your point of view.
Or to finally admit they were in the wrong.
Or to commit to changing the dynamic.
You can’t make a different cake with the same ingredients.
If both of you are operating from wounded patterns – no matter how much analysing or strategising you do – the relationship will keep coming out the same.
You want connection. But you keep getting chaos.
You want sweetness. But what you’ve got between you… is just bread.
Because between the two of you? There’s no sugar in the bowl.
The only way to start changing the recipe is to change what you bring to it.
Even if you can only offer half the sugar right now – your presence, your emotional regulation, your secure communication – then what you’re baking together will stop tasting so bland and bitter.
It might not be a perfect cake. But it’ll be a hell of a lot more edible.
So if you’ve been stuck trying to fix the relationship, constantly trying to improve it by getting them to meet you halfway – this is your reminder:
You don’t have control over that.
You can be kind. You can invite change.
But you cannot make someone show up differently.
What is in your power?
You.
Your healing. Your nervous system. Your boundaries. Your emotional patterns. Your ability to show up differently, no matter what they’re doing.
The love, the connection, the deep safety you’re craving – it comes when you stop trying to fix them and start tending to you.
And when you do? Those relationships will naturally shift.
Some will deepen. Some will fade. Some will rise to meet you in ways they never could before.
But you’ll be ready. You’ll be grounded. You’ll be free.
If you’re done waiting for them to change – and ready to be the change – take my Relational Health Quiz.
It’ll help you see exactly where you’re stuck and what to focus on next to start turning things around.
Take the Quiz.
Because you don’t need to keep baking bread when what you really want is cake.
Be the change you need. The rest will follow.